The vibe gets kind of scary

I wrote this last week and, due to work, illness, holiday travel and being perpetually off the grid, had yet to edit and post it until today.

We are less than a week away from Thanksgiving and less than six weeks away from Xmas/Yule/Saturnalia. I had my supplies for everyone’s presents bought and paid for in early October. I’ve got paychecks earmarked for travel money and car maintenance and days off on the calendar.

I also have a mammogram scheduled for Nov. 26 and a surgery consult scheduled for Dec. 6.

Last August, I found a lump in my left breast the size of an air soft rifle pellet. It hasn’t grown or changed shape and, believe me, I’ve been paying attention. I went in for a breast exam the day I found it and a follow-up exam two months later. Considering my age, it’s most likely a fibroid cyst. And even if it’s not, 80 percent of tumors found in breast tissue are benign.

On top of the lumpy tit, I have bad teeth which I will own up to being almost completely my own fault. I didn’t go to a dentist for three years and hadn’t been for three years before that last visit. I haven’t had insurance since 2006 and in the years that followed, there were usually more pressing matters at hand than the state of my teeth. The three small cavities are my fault. The two teeth that may or may not need crowns (and, possibly, a root canal) are absolutely my fault (and Starbucks, who can afford to shoulder this part of the blame and deserve to for making such criminally amazing peppermint mochas).

The impacted wisdom tooth coming in at an angle and threatening to take out my back molar is NOT my fault. Nor is the erupted one wedged underneath my left cheekbone. So Dec. 6, I’ll be at the UIC dental college, getting priced on how much two additional holes in my head are going to cost and briefed on what local anesthetic is like. Have I mentioned that I have never had any sort of surgery before?

Sometimes, I wish life could space these things out. If the thing with my teeth had happened in June, I probably wouldn’t be as worried about the mammogram. If the doctors had been able to schedule my mammogram prior to the 26th, I might not be as worried about the surgery consult less than two weeks later. But we can’t predict when these things are going to happen and, as with depression, our bodies don’t always issue a proper warning in advance. Best to just roll with it and try to keep your head above water. Grab some yarn and a book. Forget it for the moment so that when the thing that scares you arrives, you have enough energy to take it head on.

Nov. 26 was yesterday. The doctor’s prediction about my lump being a cyst was absolutely correct, according to both the technician and the radiologist. I’m to keep an eye on it and let my doctor know if it changes shape or gets bigger. If anyone needs me, I’ll be knitting on the train. Bring on Dec. 6…

~ by blackmoodcraft on November 27, 2012.

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