Congratulations, Honey, we made it through June

We’re past July 4 and, for those of us who bunker down behind heavy curtains and mini-blinds when the temperatures begin to rise, the unofficial mid-summer mark. Praise be to Buddha, Coyote and Cthulu.

For me, for a long time, summers were a curse. The much “vaulted sunshine and physical activity and more sunshine” to help depression has never quite worked for me — usually cancelled out by soul-killing heat, gaps of inactivity left by a lack of school work and the colossal tantrums of people in the near vicinity (summer sunshine had a similar effect on my mother and ex-wife to werewolves during moonrise). Blame it on genetics, blame it on the region or the company I kept. Talk about how letting external factors affect the push-pull of chemical misfires in my brain makes me a wuss and how my repulsion for sunlight makes me a vampire. That’s probably fair. However, the beginning of this summer plunged me into a low mood aggregate to years past — with no severe external forces to be seen and some of the mildest summer weather I’ve experienced in four years of Chitown living.

Depression isn’t always about feeling low when things are wrong. Sometimes, it’s feeling low when nothing’s wrong.

It’s ebbing now and for that I’m thankful. The past external conflicts are long gone, replaced by great friends and great indoor activities (cooking, knitting, jewelry making, embroidery) that make my interior life during summer an easier place to be. If I wake up at two in the morning, sweating from the heat and a dream that’s determined to chase my brain out of my skull, I have quiche to bake, a cat to pet, weird, wonderful things to sew and embroider and — occasionally — a friend who’s also awake and up for texting.

Curse broken (for now).

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~ by blackmoodcraft on July 7, 2013.

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