Pause for Review

I opened up a new Word document and three paragraphs spilled out.

I opened another and four more spilled out.

I won’t torture everyone by posting any of them here – suffice it to say, coping with major depressive disorder has some interesting side effects on writers (or, in my case, a writer/crafter/art hag/higher ed groupie).

I’m about to complete my last few sessions with my current therapist and I’ve been contemplating my current situation and state of mind as compared to events in my past and past states of mind. Ultimately what I’ve found is that I dealt with some things much better when I was younger: reinforcing boundaries, personal resolution, action vs caution and analysis. I’ve grown a lot and learned a lot, as people tend to do between the end of adolescence and their early 30’s. However, I also feel like I’ve lost a few things along the way and, at some point, things in my past went from being “shit that happened to me once” to “emotional traumas I tend to re-live each time I have to recall the events for someone new.”

Perhaps it’s a byproduct of those additional experiences. Perhaps it’s a negative consequence of therapy. Regardless, it needs to stop.

So, how to stop it? Creative visualization and creative expression are always viable alternatives. The image of certain traumatic events immobilized at the bottom of a frozen pond is very effective for me. Something buried, unable to rise, underneath a transparent barrier that I can walk on and walk away from any time I like.

As for the creative expression: stay tuned. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing.

~ by blackmoodcraft on July 5, 2015.

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